The Ballad of the Working Mom Blues.

Sigh. For the third year in a row, I am scrambling to figure out B’s schedule for the upcoming school year.

I got devastating news this morning from his aftercare. They will not be able to do an after-school program after all. Partially it’s due to administrative hurdles and partially due it’s to their focus on a full-day kindergarten pilot test program. There These are all very understandable reasons.

Whatever the reason, this once again plops us into a logistical nightmare. Literally, three weeks from the start of school. We have to figure out what ECSE time slot (AM/PM) would work best, and then see if another Center will take him after his “aftercare” closes (for those that are confused, his aftercare is only open until 3:30PM). Not only will that be an additional cost for that Center, it would mean that B would once again be bounced around from one place to another.

And to put it bluntly, it’s my fault. It’s because I work full-time that is putting him in this situation. It’s also my fault because I actually enjoy working, the majority of the time. 

You see, there’s no perfect solution to my problem. There is about a 1-2 hour gap that we have to make up. No ECSE program goes for a full day. His wonderful, inclusive aftercare (which we love, a success after his previous suspensions and departures from other facilities) is only open until 3:30 PM.

Both Husband and I work full-time, approximately 20 miles from the house. And in DC area traffic – that can equate to an hour commuting, depending on the day. And while I do enjoy the flexibility of working from home “when I need to” – teleworking is not truly a possibility.

Today, I definitely cannot “have it all”. And today, I definitely relate to the fact that moms of children on the spectrum have to work so much harder to cobble a system of care. I’m tired of fighting at every corner to make sure my son has the support he needs.

I’m tired of  having to deal with explaining why my son “has to” go to different places at different times. I’m tired of working around everyone else’s “breaks”. I’m tired of being pulled in different directions because “something” has happened in B’s schedule that I have to fix (of course, very quickly as well).

Today, I’m tired of being the case manager and advocate for Mayor B. I just want it to work out, for once, without any type of major hiccup and headache. Seriously is that too much to ask? I just want to scream from all the aggravation I’m feeling at this moment.

I don’t know what is going to happen. I have to start all over again with my network – reaching out to see what schedule would work best for B. I have to weigh all the cost considerations in addition to the transportation options. Husband and I will need to have another pow-wow to figure out what to do.

But all I want to do right now is alternate between banging my head against my desk and burst out into tears of frustration. I’m drained, tapped out for the moment.

Oh, and did I mention the dog’s relapse from his Protein Losing Enteropathy (PLE)? Over the past day and a half, he has had diarrhea episodes. Both in and outside the house. The house is stankalicious at the moment which we have to remedy ASAP. Ugh.

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About OneLoCoMommy

I live in Northern Virginia and and I look like the stereotypical suburban mom, for better or for worse. I drive a minivan. My son plays soccer and takes karate (albeit adaptive). I've been a Room Mom and Playdate Coordinator. I work full-time, try to work out, and love my Book Club. However, I also blog on my experiences on our ASD, SPD and ADHD journey while trying to be a better parent advocate. All in a life's work.
This entry was posted in Autism, Autism Awareness, Mayor Bee, PYHO, Ramblings, School, Special Needs, The Lows and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to The Ballad of the Working Mom Blues.

  1. Denise says:

    That sucks. I’m sorry you have to deal with all this. It isn’t your fault. It is what it is. And it is ok to be tired and frustrated. Hugs to you guys.

    • OneLoCoMommy says:

      I know it’s okay to have those feelings – however, the stress of trying to figure an alternative is quickly making me feel very anxious. That doesn’t bode well when you are trying to make the best, rational decision.

  2. Oh I know this frustration well. I always feel like I’m the only one having trouble and that other families somehow have it all figured out. I never quite knew how everyone elses manages. I guess they don’t. I’m really sorry you’re stuck in this and I wish I could do something besides send you internet support and understanding.

    • OneLoCoMommy says:

      Thanks for your kind comments. I think it’s a given that pretty much all families face some type of caregiver situation and pretty much all families think that everyone else has it figured out!

      There are some “obvious” solutions. I can quit. I can drop ECSE from my son’s schedule this year and enroll him full-time at his inclusive preschool (which he has done well during the summer). There are just other things we have to deal with – mainly about Mayita (she currently goes to daycare as well, which could be affected).

      Support is always welcome here! :)

  3. Holly says:

    Hang in there lady.. It’s get frustrating and you have every right to bang your head and scream in frustration. Moms of children on the Spectrum have som much to deal with we get a pass for loosing our shit every now and then. How would we stay sane if we didn’t.

    Is there anyway to get both kids in the same Daycare? or closer centers? What about talking with your boss about you working a shorter day and maybe you could “Work From Home” A few hours each night to make up for the difference or 1/2 day on a Saturday.

    Think outside of the box.. It will come together in the end.. but you have to make it there first. Deep breathes and one big “Fuck this is my Life” And Do what you do best! Mommies of Autism Unite!!!!! * P.S. Don’t forget your cape

    • OneLoCoMommy says:

      Well, we tried having them in the same place at first…that was one he was suspended from . :) Yes, I could try and form a plan for my work – but I’m not sure how favorably they will look upon a more permanent WFH schedule.

      Oh crap, now you reminded me – my cape is still at the drycleaners! LOL Thanks your words mean so much and I know you get it.

  4. pam says:

    Pick up your cape, first. Then all else will fall into place. :)

    (That is, after you’ve spent endless hours and second-guessing yourself as to what the “right” decision is….) I wish I had choices you offer you, or better words to say, but your advocating for him has done wonders for him thus far, and that cannot be denied.

    • OneLoCoMommy says:

      Oh yes, the second-guessing game! Oh how great are we all at that! I was so hoping that this year would have been *the* year it would fall into place. You know, as a reward for so actively advocating for him. :)

      Alas, it looks like I have been dropped back into the maze again. If I’m not out by Labor Day send a search party. With margaritas.

  5. ahhhh, I wish I could fix it. B is so awesome. I wish I could get to his day care for you at 3:30. Our school lets out then… :( Can I offer you a beer and a nice soft cushion for your head?

  6. I’m so sorry!! It sounds very complicated and full of hurdles. Maybe give yourself permission to be over it for an evening? Then tackle it fresh tomorrow?

  7. Oh no. That is so stressful! I can’t even imagine. I know that everything will work out. I remember DC traffic. And I want to forget it ; )

  8. You do know that this is NOT your fault, right? You’re working. And so what if you enjoy it? Then you are actually really lucky because so many people don’t like their jobs.

    I hope that you can figure out a solution that will make this easier on all of you! xo

    • OneLoCoMommy says:

      Yeah, I know I’m very lucky. Also, my job is pretty flexible when things “happen”…on a case-by-case basis. I’m happy that I got it resolved (I think!)…

  9. Robbie says:

    Finding childcare that is high quality and affordable is extremely stressful! It sounds as if you have a logistical nightmare on your hands. I would think the more transitions that are required the more stressful it is for B. Is there any possibility any of the aftercare teachers/staff could provide 1 on 1 care like a nanny? Is going to ECSE and another daycare that has longer hours an option?

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