Anger. Frustration. Sadness.
The points of my autism trident. It has returned for a visit.
Also, I think I’m really starting to hate January.
Last year at this time, we were struggling to find a new aftercare for B after leaving his last place after a mere three months. And now…in a similar predicament.
I thought we were doing so well – working on getting back into a routine. I am more than aware that B has had issues over the past few weeks with the school vacation, holidays and M’s sickness. So I was hoping that this week things would settle down.
Yeah, not so much.
His teacher was out yesterday and today. It definitely has affected B’s behaviors. For example, whenever one of us picks them up, Ms. C has his stuff ready to go to minimize the amount of “chasing around trying to wrangle him down” time. Also, since Husband (who does 95% of pickups) normally has M too (siblings are not allowed in infant rooms so she has to be collected first), it also minimizes the “all the kids running up to M and breathing their germs on her” time.
Husband went to pick them up yesterday and noticed she wasn’t there. And it showed. Not one of the other teachers offered to help Husband. (I don’t know if they knew her system or they were overwhelmed or that they didn’t care, but I’d like to give them benefit of the doubt. Apparently, they were younger ladies.) Poor guy had to really lasso B to get him to go home, while carrying a hefty infant in her carseat.
Then today I get a call to come get him. Now, during a “normal” week, he only spends 1/2 day at the aftercare. Not only that, the class (still) naps from 12:30PM-3:00PM (ish). So, when he is getting off the bus…that’s when the other kids are going to nap. But it’s really hard to transition so fast to naptime for him. (Also, do four year olds still nap? At least for that long?) Needless to say, he doesn’t necessarily want to nap during that time. But he also won’t just lay there quietly in deep thought. My child is hyperactive and WILLNOTCALMTHEBLEEPDOWN. He talks to himself, giggles, tosses and turns on his cot…and pretty much wakes everyone else up. Which doesn’t make the teachers happy…which brings me to why I got the call.
A teacher (that he is very comfortable with, so that wasn’t the issue) attempted to convince him to nap. B in turn starts a classic meltdown…which then brings out the claws. Literally. B took his nails to this poor teacher’s face. I saw minor scratches and at least one that had dried blood. And this poor teacher, who did nothing wrong, got the wrath of Mayor Bee.
And I am heartbroken. I try so hard to explain how we don’t hit our friends, or push our friends, or bite our friends – and inevitably it all goes to pot.
When I get there, I was informed that because of the series of issues/incident reports, we were asked to, um, “hold off” bringing him back. Wha wha wha? And, of course, the teacher is not there to comment on what has been going on, or her opinion of suspension (because what other word can I think of)? Obviously there is a disconnect from what the Administration is getting – that I am assuming the teacher is passing on. I am dumbfounded because I assumed everything pretty much had been going honkey dorey. I mean, we hadn’t been called into a formal conference yet.
But we are on notice, and I guess the IEP makes no mention of his goal of “causing physical harm to teachers and friends at aftercare” so now I’m back in a familiar spot. The anger at a faceless institution who is saying my son is not fitting into their naptime schedule. The frustration that my son is not fitting into their system now, for whatever reason. And the sadness that once again, I have been smacked with the “your son is different” move.
I feel very useless in the eyes of autism at the moment, where everything that I had been working on has, for a moment, been sent off on a rollercoaster again. That his progress has definitely regressed and we have to reexamine. Which means more meetings, more begging for another chance for him.
I don’t even want to think about pulling him. I can’t. The headaches from last year still linger trying to find him a new place.
Ironically, tomorrow B is not even supposed to go aftercare. He’s having a home visit with his teacher (thank god since I’ve already sent her an e-mail about this) plus his annual appointment. But that still means we have, once again, some juggling to do around our work schedules for the next few days, at minimum.
Once again, I hate January.