PYHO: My Mommy Guilt

Recently, I was rocking Mayita off to Sleepytime (again) when I thought, “damn, my daughter will be a year old next month.”

It has flown by. I hear that from other mom’s mouths, but never thought that it would come out of mine. And yet, there it was. Hellooooooo cliche’.

I fret that I haven’t done things with her that I did with Mayor Bee. I feel she’s getting shorted because I’m focused on B’s challenges.

For example, at this time…

1. Mayor Bee was a part of multiple playgroups. One group I’ve been part of since he was in my womb. Every month I was at a playdate of some sort. We always did “something”. I’m lucky if I get Mayita out to play with a neighbor’s little girl.

2. Mayor Bee had already been through a round or two of swimming lessons. I have gotten Mayita into the pool at the beach house this past summer and that’s it. No time for swim lessons. Or rather, no time after Karate/Swimming/Storytime/whatever thing I find that would be beneficial to Mayor Bee. I used swimming as an example – but it could be just about anything.

3. Mayor Bee has been to a Corn Maize, a “Baby Loves Disco” event, even a winery for crying out loud. Now that we have two, it’s just that much harder to get everything together. Our joke is that we’ve gone from a zone defense to man-to-man. Even one of the times we did a family event, while not a disaster, was disappointing (Even The Best Laid Plans).

4. Mayor Bee had oodles of professional shots taken during his first year. I’m happy that a friend took some pictures for Christmas because that and daycare pictures are the only “professional” shots I have.

On top of it all, I’ve been all about keeping disruptions for Mayor Bee at a minimum. Ok, except for the aftercare suspension but I swear that wasn’t my fault! As you can guess, routine and structure pretty much rule our household. Most households, especially with a child on the spectrum, adhere to some “policy and procedure” in homelife. And little Mayita kinda gets sandwiched in.

I don’t know how else to say it. And I feel wretched about it. A great example is our morning routine. Mornings are extremely hectic trying to just get Mayor Bee dressed, some food in (not on) his stomach and onto the bus. Nevermind that poor Mayita might want to have a bottle when she wakes up…at the same time.

I know deep down that I try and give her just as much attention, snuggles and songs as I did with Mayor Bee. I know she loves me, as evidenced by her big grin and cute giggle when she sees me enter the room. But I am going to have to work on scheduling more “Mommy and Mayita” time in the future.

Mayita March 2012

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About OneLoCoMommy

I live in Northern Virginia and and I look like the stereotypical suburban mom, for better or for worse. My son plays baseball and takes karate (albeit adaptive). My daughter is a gymnastics diva but rolls with the boys in T-ball. I've been a Room Mom and Playdate Coordinator. I work full-time, try to work out, and love my Book Club. However, I also blog on my experiences on our ASD, SPD and ADHD journey while trying to be a better parent advocate. All in a life's work.
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9 Responses to PYHO: My Mommy Guilt

  1. Denise says:

    I think pretty much all moms feel like the second kid gets less. But they get more in some ways too. They may not have playgroups each week but they have a round the clock playmate in their sibling. And you do tend to take some extra time for snuggles whether you realize it or not. And on the bright side, their too little now to start complaining about who’s favorite, who gets more stuff, etc. That will be in a few more years no matter what you do 🙂


  2. Helene says:

    Oh gosh, I know what you speak of. That guilt is horrible, isn’t it? I even feel guilty about feeling guilty. It never ends.

    But you’ll find that your daughter does feel loved, safe and nurtured. Somehow I think the 2nd child always understands because they don’t know anything different.

    I have two sets of twins and my 2nd set were born when my 1st set were only 2 years old. It would break my heart when the little twins would cry for something and I couldn’t get to them right away. I worried they wouldn’t feel as loved as my big twins. But, now the little twins are 5 and they don’t seem to know otherwise. They are constantly giving me hugs and show me love in so many ways that tend to ease away some of that earlier guilt I felt.

    Be assured that she won’t remember that she had to wait a little while for her morning bottle. But she will remember how happy you’ve made her and what a wonderful mother you are.


  3. Shell says:

    I understand! I did so much of that with my oldest. Not so much with the younger two. And my middle needs structure- so sometimes our schedule revolves around that!


  4. I totally understand! As a second child myself, I was always jealous that there were more photos of my sister when she was a baby and that her baby book was COMPLETELY filled out, where as mine is blank past page 3! I am hyper-aware of this with my own second child, my daughter and try to be sensitive as to what we did with my son vs her, but we have diminished time and resources (two hands are barely enough for one kid, let alone two!) – so I know she’s not getting everything her bro did. You just try to make the best of it….


    • LoCo_Mommy says:

      I’m a middle child…so yeah I can understand somewhat. Honestly I’m not sure if there were more pictures or not of my older sister. I don’t think either of us had a “baby book” especially like today. I know my parents definitely didn’t have resources (or money) that Husband and I have now to do things. I know I’m trying but some days it’s just hard!


  5. TJ says:

    Oh, I feel the same way! I know that it’s not always possible to give them the same attention and do the same with them. But I am always trying to be fair in everything i do. Reality is though that one child has challenges and the other doesn’t. So, how fair is fair? It’s all relative I guess.


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