Power Struggle.

I’m sitting in my office, sipping my tea, and breathing a sigh of relief that the kids are both in their respective places. As they should be.

I’m having one of those “it’s better to be at the office than home” days. Translation: it was a very rough morning.

We have been working on re-regulating ourselves when we get into a meltdown situation. Not just B mind you, but the parents as well. I definitely have shorted my fuse a few too many times for my liking. I regret those moments…even after I have used all the tools and tricks I know. After numerous redirection attempts. Or even ignoring the action, as to not perpetuate the negative behavior.

But sometimes we can’t keep it up. We raise our voices…which never bodes well for a little dude that is still discovering an “inside voice”. And then we are back at the beginning, again.

Now that school has started, the bus obsession has started again. Not just with B riding on the bus, or even memorizing the numbers (which is good – he needs to know those). No, every bus needs to be clearly identified by B. On the road, or at home when he’s playing. Then comes the constant numbering of said buses. For example, the bus at home last night was “275275” over and over again. It’s a stream of gibberish that makes it hard to concentrate on tasks, or even catching with Husband at the end of the workday.

It wears you down. I am tired of buses and it’s only the second week of school.

This morning I’m going through the “routine” – get B and Mayita ready, keep an eye on Jack, get the stuff ready to out the door,  etc. I have to pay attention to the clock to not only allow time for the dropoffs but for anything else that may “happen”.

B’s playing with one of his buses on the floor of the Family Room. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, today, the people that he puts in there just won’t fit. He’s becoming frustrated – I can see it brewing. I hope it dissapates but it becomes panic time.

“They are NOT LISTENING!!!” he screams. Then he starts throwing Little People around, almost hitting Mayita.

Not too many things will give an immediate Time Out, but that’s one of them. I have to calmly say Time Out but now he’s flailing his limbs on the floor. I become a robot, just repeating “Time Out” in this boring monotone – but inside I can feel myself getting tense. I still have to get him dressed. I still need to pack the car. He needs to take a break.

Finally he goes and sits in his chair, but it doesn’t last. He slides off the chair, refusing to play my game. Now, it’s a power struggle. I up the ante – next step is his room. At first he goes back into the chair, but then he’s trying to turn the chair upside down.

Sigh.

So then it’s to his room – but by this point he is gone into his “fight or flight” mode. Today, it seems that “fight” has taken over. I need to physically carry him because he is definitely beside himself in his meltdown. Once to his room, I have to physically leave – because now I’m upset and I need to calm down as well.

I keep remembering his previous teachers tips, like you have to let him do it himself, you have to be unemotional, etc. I’m trying, but it’s so damn hard on certain days. Why he can’t just listen on the first, or the second, or third time? Why does it have to be the twentieth time?

I go up once after a few minutes and he has not calmed down. He’s still in his pajamas. He’s still crying and hanging upside down in his chair. I leave him his clothes and tell him to get dressed, then I leave.  I wasn’t sure what to expect the second time up there – if the room would still be standing – but he was dressed.

Granted, not in the clothes I left; rather, the shorts from yesterday and some other shirt, but I don’t care anymore. He’s dressed, so we gather our things and go.

By now, he seems to have calmed down. He gets into the van and even pulls out one of Mayita’s toys from the floor to give to her in the car seat. He behaves when we drop off Mayita at daycare. He listens when I get him to his AM stop, and make it on time. I begin to breathe a little easier.

I do alert his teacher as to what happened – she nods and says he had an issues yesterday as well. I am relieved, in one aspect, because it’s still not just me that is the scapegoat of his meltdowns. I know, not one of my greatest thoughts. But it is the truth.

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About OneLoCoMommy

I live in Northern Virginia and and I look like the stereotypical suburban mom, for better or for worse. My son plays baseball and takes karate (albeit adaptive). My daughter is a gymnastics diva but rolls with the boys in T-ball. I've been a Room Mom and Playdate Coordinator. I work full-time, try to work out, and love my Book Club. However, I also blog on my experiences on our ASD, SPD and ADHD journey while trying to be a better parent advocate. All in a life's work.
This entry was posted in Autism, Mayor Bee, PYHO, Special Needs, The Lows and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Power Struggle.

  1. Sperk* says:

    As much joy as it brings, parenting is just terribly difficult. Sharing your stories helps others, too, who are experiencing the same obstacles. Many do not share for fear of being judged. Good for you for being courageous, which ultimately serves you and your family well.

    Like

  2. Joanne says:

    I hear ya’. We were up til 11 pm last night. I raised my voice, I cried to myself because I failed a simple task of getting her to bed during the first week of school. She just couldn’t stop moving and moving and moving and moving and moving. This morning I even said something to the principal about how bad it was and she sent me to talk with the special ed teachers. FAIR WARNING: SHE IS GOING TO BE DIFFICULT. hugs.

    Like

  3. Sometimes, I just lose it. Even though I know the struggles my son has, sometimes I just want something to be easy. And I run out of patience.

    Like

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