It’s progress report time for B and I’m anxious to hear how he has been doing in school. If I had a Progress Report, it would clearly read: “Needs Improvement. Struggling in Life.”
I feel that it’s been a difficult couple of months for the family. We’ve had a lot to deal with. First off, the illnesses (ear infections, strep, stomach viruses, colds), which have forced us to juggle work schedules to stay home with kid(s). We have to make each kid is getting the right medicine. The long nights of rocking one kid or the other (and in some cases, both). Running up the water bill using the “SANITARY” cycle on the washer trying to destroy all the “Ookies”.
Speaking of work, I just finished a busy stretch of deliverable deadlines. That has been stressful because dealing with other factors that had delayed my timelines. Having to squeeze in time either WFH or half days have been difficult and surely helped to add to my work frustrations Some days, I feel like I’m a mother there as well, which I’m pretty sure is NOT in my job description.
Then, of course, all the work I was doing fundraising for the Walk, like the Zumbathon and the raffle. I forgot how much effort it was to pull something like that together. I enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong, but it was tiring.
It’s a lot of directions to be pulled in. Not in a good way like salt water taffy either.
I also worry about the health of my family. My father had his surgery last month, and now my aunt in Texas had quadruple bypass surgery last Monday.
I know it’s November and everyone has been doing those “I’m Thankful For” posts on FB and Twitter every day. Hell, even last year I wrote a post on it. But this year, I’ve been struggling to acknowledge that I’m thankful for so much. I’ve been stuck in a forest with a lot of rabbit holes that I have to keep climbing out of. Always running, whether physically or mentally, from one thing to another.
My brain is tired of constantly trying to keep up with everything. Some things have slipped through the cracks. I’m trying to keep above water but I feel so exhausted each day.
In some aspects B has improved, of course. But now, I get frustrated when he cannot/will not do (what I call) simple things. For example, getting dressed and putting on his shoes. He either gets distracted or. He will make a meager effort, then toss everything aside and scream, “I CAN’T DO IT”.
If I end up helping, I become resentful. If I walk off and leave him, he’ll throw his fits and we become delayed even more. Some days he may do it, and some days I give up and just get him dressed, to salvage some time.
Yeah, I know it’s not the best thing. But I try to explain, over and over, how he is a “big boy” and getting dressed is a big job. He won’t listen, or even better, he’ll say “When I’m five I’ll do it.” Sheesh. What happens is at some point, with a wiggly toddler, and my mind racing to all the things I have to do today – I give up.
There is a saying that you have to choose your battles. Nowadays, I just seem to give up and say nevermind.
My workouts have fallen by the wayside because I can always find an excuse not to do it. Too much going on at work to go during lunch. The house is a mess and I have to try and tidy it. I have to make sure the dishes get clean and the clothes are washed. Oh look Jack the dog has to go outside! Oh screw it, I’m so tired I’d better go to bed now because Mayita surely will be up in the middle of the night.
Feel my pain?
So, anyway, I guess this all just a whiny post about how ungrateful I am for the ability to have all these riches in my life. A wonderful Husband, two amazing kids, a loving dog, great friends, and truth be told, not truly struggling for anything.
Except for peace, calm, and quiet in my mind.