I Wish.

I wish that I could stop the hurting. I wish that I could make it easier. I wish…for a simple end.

But in life, not much is simple, right?

Jackpot’s health has nosedived in the past week. We thought he was doing so much better. Then we changed immunosuppressants. Two days later, he vomited outside. Then there are accidents in the kitchen – both urine and diarrhea. The mobility has really slowed down. He stopped eating the dog food. We are now up multiple times during the night to get him outside (lest there would be another accident in the house).

After Kindergarten registration last week I met Husband at the dog’s internist. After a mere six days after the last abdominal tap he was distended yet again. The blood work really didn’t tell much – the albumin (protein) is still very low but other factors do not indicate a secondary issue. The internist has said that Jackpot is mostly likely feeling a bit sick, but it’s hard to tell since he has an overall good attitude.

What this means is most likely we are now heading into the final stages. It’s bad. And we know it, but it’s really hard to come to terms. Jackpot has been our dog for over 9 years. Any pet owner will tell you that there are so many memories associated with having a pet. And while we won’t dress him up in Christmas antlers, we do treat him as if he were any member of the family.

We don’t want any suffering, but has he already suffered – with the procedures, the medicines, the blood draws? Are we being selfish? Or are we giving up?

And then how do we approach the kids? Well, really, just B. I have read and reread Stimeyland because I know she just went through something similar. We’ve approached B with the concept of “doggie heaven” and hope to work on it in small steps. At first he wasn’t too attentive – more along the lines of, “I want to go outside!”. But when I gave him a kiss last night, he definitely seemed sad about possibly not seeing Jackpot again.

So, yeah, still sucks.

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About OneLoCoMommy

I live in Northern Virginia and and I look like the stereotypical suburban mom, for better or for worse. My son plays baseball and takes karate (albeit adaptive). My daughter is a gymnastics diva but rolls with the boys in T-ball. I've been a Room Mom and Playdate Coordinator. I work full-time, try to work out, and love my Book Club. However, I also blog on my experiences on our ASD, SPD and ADHD journey while trying to be a better parent advocate. All in a life's work.
This entry was posted in Life, Ramblings, The Lows and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to I Wish.

  1. I know it is hard to hear but like with people I think it is a blessing to know it is coming and to be able to prepare. For me this last time when my mom was sick I made my peace with her eventual death she seemed so ill and like there was no future but she seems to have stabilized and is doing fine. I won’t deny that I had a dream about her dying last night which has been my reoccurring nightmare since she had her first heart attack when I when I was in 4th grade but I woke up with less anxiety than I had in the past. Perhaps making peace with his departure will help ease the anxiety of any decisions you need to make.

    I use the death of pets (Nana’s fish die a lot) to pave the way for death conversations with Sary. She knows that animals live a much shorter time than people. With my mom’s health and her Gigi (great-grandma) turning 90 this year. Fish dying has helped pave the way. I think explaining death and heaven will be helpful to Ben so he isn’t surprised. If it is possible for him to say good-bye that is good too.

    (Sorry if this is too tangent-y. I am so sorry you guys are facing this ::hugs:: )

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    • OneLoCoMommy says:

      That is similar to what we experienced 10 years ago with my mom and her renal failure. It was definitely not good, but as you know not only did she get through that but she got her kidney and is cranking along.

      Husband’s grandmother is also not doing well so that will be another conversation to have. She is also 96 so it seems a bit easier to work though. Nevertheless, definitely difficult all around.

      I think the inevitable will happen and we need to prepare everyone. Though it won’t be easy it has to be done. I really appreciate your viewpoint (not tangent-y at all!).

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  2. Lisa says:

    Hugs. We lost our beloved pooch last July. I blogged about it…so hard to say goodbye. After a rapid decline we said our goodbyes. It was so hard to see her suffer. Thinking of you and your family….

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  3. Emily says:

    I know how tough it is to have an old and ailing dog…I’m not sure what age your son is (I just found your blog today after you commented on mine!) but there is a great book that I always recommend when a dog is sick and/or about to go or has gone to heaven. It’s called, “For Every Dog An Angel.” It is a comforting read both for kids and adults….my thoughts are with you.

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  4. Pingback: Letting Go. | One LoCo Mommy

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