Letting Go.

Today we set Jackpot free.

It was one of the worst things we had to do. Heart wrenching.  In fact, tears are streaming down my face as I’m trying to type. And I’m sure this will continue for quite some time.

But it was for the best.

Today Husband and I took Jackpot to the internist. Dr. J (the internist) had been treating Jackpot for 3 1/2 years. Ever since that Christmas Eve, when Husband took a very sick doggie to get better.

We talked to Dr. J last week (after the most recent episode) about what the future held. Quite frankly, it was very grim. Husband and I wrestled over the decision for many days before we finally knew the outcome. We knew that the suffering will only get worse. That Jackpot will continue to deteriorate, his body weakened to a point where walking may not be possible.

And that’s not how we wanted it to be. I don’t think that’s what Jackpot would have wanted either.

We were assured by Dr. J that it would be quick. And it was, but it didn’t make it any easier. As Jackpot fell asleep, the way he collapsed (we were holding him on the floor) scared the bejeezus out of me. But then, peacefully, after that Jackpot slipped away. Dr. J had to tell us that he was gone. I don’t know if we were aware how since we were holding him so tight. I know that both of us were crying so hard that it didn’t matter.

When I finally looked at Jackpot, he was so peaceful. As if he were asleep, like so many times on our bed or on the couch. But he was never going to jump off the bed and try to beat us down the stairs.

Dr. J left us for a few minutes to say our final goodbyes. Husband was distraught. I was a blotchy, tear-streaked basket case.  But, finally, we knew we had to go. We left our beloved dog of 9 years in that room to go on about our lives.

Jackpot will be privately cremated (along with his favorite bed) and we will get his remains. I honestly have no idea what to do with them, besides taking some to the beach (one of our favorite places) to disperse.

As we were leaving we were assured by Dr. J that we went miles beyond what many people would do for their pet. And while some would call that silly and over-the-top (considering the financial cost), we would have done it again. In a heartbeat. Because Jackpot was family.

As for B, well, I’m not sure. We read “Dog Heaven” twice over the past two days. We talked about how it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to cry. I told his teachers to be prepared as well.

When we came home today after picking up the kids, we stayed quiet, letting B make the first move. He didn’t say a word. So, we wait.

Nine years ago, we rescued a scared but energetic dog. Today we said goodbye. Rest in peace, Jackpot.

His "rescue" pic from 2004

His “rescue” pic from 2004

Jackpot2

Jackpot April 2013

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About OneLoCoMommy

I live in Northern Virginia and and I look like the stereotypical suburban mom, for better or for worse. My son plays baseball and takes karate (albeit adaptive). My daughter is a gymnastics diva but rolls with the boys in T-ball. I've been a Room Mom and Playdate Coordinator. I work full-time, try to work out, and love my Book Club. However, I also blog on my experiences on our ASD, SPD and ADHD journey while trying to be a better parent advocate. All in a life's work.
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18 Responses to Letting Go.

  1. Kimberly says:

    I am so so so sorry. My heart goes out to your family…And hugs. Huge hugs.

    Like

  2. Lisa says:

    ((Hugs)) I am crying with you. Saying goodbye to our first “babies” is so difficult. They truly are family.

    I can tell you, 9 months removed from a similar situation, it gets easier…but there are moments here and there where I miss her so. Thinking of you.

    Like

  3. Amber says:

    I’ m so very sorry for your loss. I am crying a bit right now, as I sit next to my 14.5 year old kitty who I know will be leaving us soon. Hugs to you and yours.

    Like

  4. Denise says:

    Jack was incredibly loved. And incredibly lucky to have you. A perfect match. Love to you guys.

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  5. Pam says:

    Oh, Dianne, I can’t stop crying now, either….

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  6. So sorry for your loss.

    Like

  7. I’m so sorry for your loss. xo

    Like

  8. Kristen says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. Our beloved beagle was put to sleep last July. He was 11 and had a tumor in his throat and was starving to death. He was not a candidate for surgery due to his age and general health (which had declined in just a matter of weeks). My husband went to the vet with him by himself on a Friday afternoon and held him and stayed with him through it all. Our beagle was with us before we were married, before we had kids, before autism. Our princess still looks for him sometimes. I (and my children) are Catholic and my husband couldn’t bear the thought of cremating him so he brought him home to let me say goodbye and buried him in his favorite place to lie in our backyard with a statue of St Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, as his headstone. My husband bought me the statue the first year we were married, our first Christmas in our house. It still hurts to think of the pain he went through now before we knew what was really wrong. ((HUGS)) I know how it feels.

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  9. Kristen says:

    We are a family that treats our pets like family. We don’t leave them outside, we invite them up on the bed with us. We don’t feed them the cheapest bag of dog food, we research it like we do our own food. Pets are always there with lots of love, no matter what. It seems to me that Jackpot was loved like he was a part of your family and not just a “pet”. He was very lucky to be a part of your lives just as you were lucky to have him. I’m incredibly sorry for your loss.

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  10. Pingback: Giving Thanks. | One LoCo Mommy

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