This Is Forty.

It’s time.

I’ve climbed to the top of the hill – and now all I can see is the downhill ride.

Melodramatic, no?

Though I harbor some feelings of sadness and resentment.

Yes, I know forty is no big deal, technically. Lots of time left. Lots of memories to make and treasures to cherish. And many people don’t believe me when I say I’m forty. But I feel it. I can’t help but feel…stuck. Stuck in a pile of mud between my son’s diagnoses and my own.

#BirthdaySelfie #OverTheHill

#BirthdaySelfie #OverTheHill

Today I took B back to his old developmental pediatrician. Dr. P used to be at Children’s but then went into private practice (with the hated word: self-pay). But now, she accepts our insurance and got us in in relatively quick turnaround. We had a very tiring yet productive appointment. A lot has changed since she had seen him – some good and some not so great. All I know is that B showed his “true colors” at the appointment, which is a good thing, since there are days that no one believes me at some of the things he does.

Such as: flopping on the floor, holding bad posture, continuously debating over simple requests, inattention to simple detail. You know the basic ADHD nightmare.

Also this will help with (finally) getting him on the DD Waiver list for the Commonwealth. As you know, we were denied the EDCD Waiver, so this is the only other step. Any documentation will help with our paperwork.

After his appointment I had to go to my endocrinologist. I have struggled with a hypothyroid condition, which got worse over the past few months. I have been tweaking my own routines, but to limited success. While my levels are better, I don’t FEEL better. I still feel sluggish, tired, and downright cold.  And old. 🙂

So, that’s how I started my fourth decade. A sick day off from work for two appointments, then to attend to B since we are stuck in (yet) another snow day from school.

Wooooooopppeeeee! Have some cake on me!


About OneLoCoMommy

I live in Northern Virginia and and I look like the stereotypical suburban mom, for better or for worse. My son plays baseball and takes karate (albeit adaptive). My daughter is a gymnastics diva but rolls with the boys in T-ball. I've been a Room Mom and Playdate Coordinator. I work full-time, try to work out, and love my Book Club. However, I also blog on my experiences on our ASD, SPD and ADHD journey while trying to be a better parent advocate. All in a life's work.
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One Response to This Is Forty.

  1. Sending you a big fat birthday hug. Sounds like you could use one. I turned 50 last fall. When I was 40, my son (SPD, ADHD, dyslexia and anxiety) was 2. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was living with out of whack hormones, an underactive thyroid, and undiagnosed depression. Every single day was such a huge struggle. My only advice for you is to do whatever it takes to take care of yourself. Whatever. It. Takes. Life with a 12 yr. old is still challenging, but in different ways. Thyroid and hormonal support has been crucial. And the depression, for the most part is now gone.

    Best of luck with your paperwork!!! Hang in there.


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