I Wish.

I wish that I could stop the hurting. I wish that I could make it easier. I wish…for a simple end.

But in life, not much is simple, right?

Jackpot’s health has nosedived in the past week. We thought he was doing so much better. Then we changed immunosuppressants. Two days later, he vomited outside. Then there are accidents in the kitchen – both urine and diarrhea. The mobility has really slowed down. He stopped eating the dog food. We are now up multiple times during the night to get him outside (lest there would be another accident in the house).

After Kindergarten registration last week I met Husband at the dog’s internist. After a mere six days after the last abdominal tap he was distended yet again. The blood work really didn’t tell much – the albumin (protein) is still very low but other factors do not indicate a secondary issue. The internist has said that Jackpot is mostly likely feeling a bit sick, but it’s hard to tell since he has an overall good attitude.

What this means is most likely we are now heading into the final stages. It’s bad. And we know it, but it’s really hard to come to terms. Jackpot has been our dog for over 9 years. Any pet owner will tell you that there are so many memories associated with having a pet. And while we won’t dress him up in Christmas antlers, we do treat him as if he were any member of the family.

We don’t want any suffering, but has he already suffered – with the procedures, the medicines, the blood draws? Are we being selfish? Or are we giving up?

And then how do we approach the kids? Well, really, just B. I have read and reread Stimeyland because I know she just went through something similar. We’ve approached B with the concept of “doggie heaven” and hope to work on it in small steps. At first he wasn’t too attentive – more along the lines of, “I want to go outside!”. But when I gave him a kiss last night, he definitely seemed sad about possibly not seeing Jackpot again.

So, yeah, still sucks.